Elaina

It was the best of times

It was the worst of times

I was in my third year of college 

I was in a less-than-exciting Shakespeare class 

Enter Elaina Styblo

Somehow, the dreary readings of familiar plays took on a new light, a new life

Elaina and I met, partnered up as assignment forced us together, and began a 16-year friendship. 

She brought the laughs, the light, the wit, the Blues Brothers, the challenge to my thinking. 

We sipped coffee, shared life, watched movies, quoted lines, played Shakespearean roles for our class, laughed till sides ached when the British student teacher walked straight into an easel while trying to cooly wave our way. We talked books, marriage, Jesus, Mao, and Freddy Mercury. Dietrich Bonhoeffer took on a whole new dimension through the eyes of Elaina.  I learned more about Oscar Romero than I knew about the first martyr Stephen. I loved sharing life with Elaina, and it makes me ache when I realize she's no longer a text away. I no longer have her witty comments in an instant. I miss her perspective, her passion, her perseverance. 

I text her: "We're watching "Lincoln" tonight. Have you seen it?" She writes back: "I've not seen it, but I don't think it ends well for Lincoln."  

She said the things I wished I could say but feared to verbalize. And, she said them well. 

A Chinese friend stands at the ladies' tea to share how she's experienced love in my church; she is a stranger to Elaina. No matter. E has encouragement for anyone in her path, stranger or not. Chinese friend: "I'm so sorry. My English is not very good." We're at the neighboring table, so E says, "Right. Your English is awful. You should hear my Chinese!"

So, what sticks with me? How am I better for having known Elaina Styblo? She was the real deal. I got what everyone else got. She was no chameleon. She was true. I left her each time with the reminder that it was okay, and expected, that I embrace who I am. God, the unique Creator, takes great delight in me, in each of His designs. 

Thank You, God, for Elaina. Thank you for her life. Thank you for her giving, investing, pursuing, hoping, loving life. May I be to others what she was to me. 

living deliberately in meaninglessness

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.  I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary.  I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account in my next excursion.  For most men, it appears to me, are in a strange uncertainty about it, whether it is of the devil or of God, and have somewhat hastily concluded that it is the chief end of man here to "glorify God and enjoy him forever."   -Walden, Henry David Thoreau

He was a known pursuer of life.
Of its essence,
its scent,
its meaning,
its recourse,
its location,
its heart.

Not much unlike the wisest, Solomon, who came to the end of his study to find meaningless, vanity, in all things pursued here apart from God.  When stripped away from its blanket of finery, life reveals God Himself as the chief end of our pursuing.

"Remember your Creator
    in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
    and the years approach when you will say,
    “I find no pleasure in them”—
Remember him—before the silver cord is severed,
    and the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,
    and the wheel broken at the well,
 and the dust returns to the ground it came from,
    and the spirit returns to God who gave it." 
Ecclesiastes 12:1, 6-7

Remember, and keep remembering, that it is indeed God Who is our only source of true meaning, of absolute Truth itself.

the means to the end

if my husband had been diagnosed with a disease, I could share that freely with others.  It would in no way cause others to put up a strike against him; rather, it would endear him to them.

As it is, there is no incurable disease ravaging this home today.
No tragic accident locking us to the local hospital.
Nor a chronic sickness that saps strength, mind, emotions.

I simply deal with my own attitude and heart health in light of past and present failures, wrongs, and uncertainties. 

How do I daily take up my cross?
How do I daily extend olive branches?
How do I daily exercise humility and forgiveness?
How do I daily put on love and put off any myriad of sins that inhibit my growth?

Knowing God's statement, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord" does not keep me from wondering why He chooses what He chooses to refine.
It doesn't stop me from wondering why He seems to be retracing steps and reteaching something He showed and taught so long ago in my faith walk with Him.

His means to His end for me is vastly different than anything I would ever select to encounter were it left up to me.

These valleys are deep, sometimes dark, oftentimes lonely.

There it is that He reminds me that not only is His light sufficient and perfect for those dark and dank valleys, but His steady love has never left me alone.  

It is this love that takes me to the precipice then provides a way over, sometimes a way through.  
It is this love that identifies my greatest needs and fashions the means to meet them.
It is this love that keeps me from falling too far, that steadies my step, disciplines my selfish heart.
It is this love that remained on the cross, that didn't put a halt to the sacrifice of Christ.
It is this love that I cling to, that I need, that I hunger for, that meets me and satisfies me.

His means to His end for me is vastly different than anything I would ever select to encounter were it up to me.  Thankfully, it's not solely up to me.  Thankfully, He loves perfectly so His ways and means are, for me, perfect.

Make my heart believe it, Lord.


 

a different pain

Waiting is painful at times, depending on the object of the wait.

A Disney line wait isn't so bad...happy people, line activities or distractions, food to munch in the meantime.

A Christmas morning wait is a full-heart wait, completely worthwhile and almost giggle-inducing.

But, even those two waits can change and become heart-laden depending on the circumstances for the individual.

My boy is sick, so I'm waiting it out...how sick is he?  Doctor sick?  Bed rest sick?  Is Advil helping these relentless headaches?  Eye doctor appointment is two weeks away...seems like forever when I'm waiting for answers.

And then in the midst of it all, I remember that even Jesus waited on God's timing in coming to earth, waited on Him in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before He stood trial, the night before bearing the weight of the world's sin while on the cross.  And so, in light of that, I wait and remember:

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." 
Psalm 27:14

a lovely dream

first little publication

http://burnsidewriters.com/2013/03/31/scarlet-redemption/

My goal in writing is to one day reach many, and when I do, to tirelessly point readers to the great Author, Jesus.

the ends of the spectrum

It was the best of times
it was the worst of times.

It was the age of hope
it was the age of despair.

It was the age of beginning
it was the age of finality.

It was the age of peace
it was the age of grief.

It was the age of joy
it was the age of sorrow.

It was the age of beauty
it was the age of pain.

It was the age of abundance
it was the age of isolation.

It was the age of fullness
it was the age of loneliness.

It was the age of abandon
it was the age of restraint.

It was the age of hope and salvation
it still is.

God is the same now as He was in Genesis, in the desert, on the cross, in the prophecies, with the martyrs.

God offers new beginnings, hope, peace, joy, beauty, abundance, fullness, salvation.  In Him there is rest.  Lay claim to Him.  He is all we have, all we need; I believe that with all my heart.