i love that they came prepared to worship...
they came with gifts for a king, for the King.
They came with hearts ready to yield to this child,
to this boy King.
They came with knees ready to touch the dirt beneath,
kneeling with heads bowed, honoring Royalty.
They came because the night sky looked different than the night before.
There was a new star in that sky that had never showed itself.
They were beckoned, summoned, to follow that star.
That star would lead them to the King of the Jews, to a King
wordlessly demanding their worship, their gifts, their travel to Himself.
What a night.
What a trip those Magi made from the far East.
What a star.
What a story.
What lovely Truth.
What a beginning to His purpose to grow to die for those He made.
What a Savior.
What a King.
This is Christmas.
Let's worship.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
snowflakes and sunshine
The day was cloudy, still.
The air was wet, cold.
Clouds were releasing their moisture in the form of drizzle.
It was December 7th, 2011.
The cafe was warm, welcoming.
The surprise awaited outside.
We stepped out the door to falling snow.
Lovely, white.
I said goodbye to my friend.
I rounded the corner of the cozy brick building to my car.
The man stepped to the sidewalk from his truck, smiled in my direction.
His hands outstretched in front of him.
The smile was contagious, and I returned my own, "Snow!" I said, grinning.
His response warmed my heart, "I always say, it's sunshine in the form of snowflakes."
Indeed, God's most cloudy days are filled with sunshine too, but we've got to sometimes look beyond the clouds.
Thank you, sir, for the sunshine.
Thank You, God, for that gentleman in my path yesterday.
The air was wet, cold.
Clouds were releasing their moisture in the form of drizzle.
It was December 7th, 2011.
The cafe was warm, welcoming.
The surprise awaited outside.
We stepped out the door to falling snow.
Lovely, white.
I said goodbye to my friend.
I rounded the corner of the cozy brick building to my car.
The man stepped to the sidewalk from his truck, smiled in my direction.
His hands outstretched in front of him.
The smile was contagious, and I returned my own, "Snow!" I said, grinning.
His response warmed my heart, "I always say, it's sunshine in the form of snowflakes."
Indeed, God's most cloudy days are filled with sunshine too, but we've got to sometimes look beyond the clouds.
Thank you, sir, for the sunshine.
Thank You, God, for that gentleman in my path yesterday.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
emotions
Emotions overwhelm, surprise, comfort, express.
And so, just now with eyes full of moisture, I realize how thankful I am for God's creation of emotions. I love that He gave these lovely ways for our bodies to release, remember, restore.
There is an emotion for every circumstance, every known situation, every waiting surprise, every shock in life.
There are tears aroused when we least expect them, burning cheeks when we're embarrassed, angry, worn. There is war, constriction in our hearts when we struggle between decisions.
There is a tireless ache that wears on me, knowing my heart aches, yearns, longs for my Savior. It is an incredible wanting, an inexpressible desire. So deep, so full, so rich. The way He draws me to Himself, shows Himself, reveals Himself. It renders my words insufficient...stops me in my tracks.
And so I weep, draining that storehouse of tears. And my heart loves Jesus more. I need Him so much.
And so, just now with eyes full of moisture, I realize how thankful I am for God's creation of emotions. I love that He gave these lovely ways for our bodies to release, remember, restore.
There is an emotion for every circumstance, every known situation, every waiting surprise, every shock in life.
There are tears aroused when we least expect them, burning cheeks when we're embarrassed, angry, worn. There is war, constriction in our hearts when we struggle between decisions.
There is a tireless ache that wears on me, knowing my heart aches, yearns, longs for my Savior. It is an incredible wanting, an inexpressible desire. So deep, so full, so rich. The way He draws me to Himself, shows Himself, reveals Himself. It renders my words insufficient...stops me in my tracks.
And so I weep, draining that storehouse of tears. And my heart loves Jesus more. I need Him so much.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Give me love
Give me love.
Let it sweep over me. Like a million slowly falling raindrops, wetting the earth, cooling my heart.
Let it flood over me like the golden summer sun, warming my fingers, heating my cheeks.
Let it blow over me like the breezes in the sweetest smelling meadow on earth, perfuming my hair with its fragrance, catching me like a kite.
Let it move around me like the song of the whippoorwills, singing to my soul, conducting the orchestra of my heart.
Let love find me, and let it never leave me.
Let it sweep over me. Like a million slowly falling raindrops, wetting the earth, cooling my heart.
Let it flood over me like the golden summer sun, warming my fingers, heating my cheeks.
Let it blow over me like the breezes in the sweetest smelling meadow on earth, perfuming my hair with its fragrance, catching me like a kite.
Let it move around me like the song of the whippoorwills, singing to my soul, conducting the orchestra of my heart.
Let love find me, and let it never leave me.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
random thoughts during worship
viewing God's daily sunrise as His grand entrance, akin to the entrance of the Fonz on Happy Days (when it was "filmed in front of a live studio audience"); the audience would explode with applause. Do we stand in such awe, amazement, and delight when we encounter the glories of God? Do we stand applauding Him? NCH.
God is better at justice; He's far more fair.
praying in His power, storming the gates of heaven. calling it what it is - sin. S.Brooks
17 July 2011
I can withstand much, but composure is hardest to gain when small fingers and voices are exalting You.
coming ready to worship...having worshiped already that morning...
i love how He answers - 'you're going to seek Me and prioritize Me -- wait and see what blessings I have in store for you.'
7 August 2011
"diversity in expression; unity in worship" S.B.
28 August 2011
God is better at justice; He's far more fair.
praying in His power, storming the gates of heaven. calling it what it is - sin. S.Brooks
17 July 2011
I can withstand much, but composure is hardest to gain when small fingers and voices are exalting You.
coming ready to worship...having worshiped already that morning...
i love how He answers - 'you're going to seek Me and prioritize Me -- wait and see what blessings I have in store for you.'
7 August 2011
"diversity in expression; unity in worship" S.B.
28 August 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
wandering the caverns
It is a dangerous place to travel, without a guide.
Those deep, dark, distant caverns of our self-pitying hearts.
Those places where sin grows like weeds, prickly, undesirable, engulfing any sprout of love.
Those places in the recesses of our hearts that confuse, confound, conquer us when unawares.
We oughtn't to travel alone there, to those unexplored, unexamined, unknown grounds. It is our responsibility to enlist the Guide.
He will gladly come, with joy, with grace, with Light.
He will come battle-ready, sword gleaming and sharpened, fires blazing.
He will come not only as the Guide, but as Soldier, Slayer, Savior.
He will come in power, prepared to not only wrench the weeds of sin by the root, but to set them ablaze, burning till nothing remains - till it is all consumed.
Do not go alone; go armed with the King Himself, the One equipped to not only empty the caverns, but to replenish them with life, light, truth.
But do go; go swiftly. And when that painful wrenching of sin by the Master is over, we will find He leaves behind His sweet fragrance, His joy, His peace, His Light, His Love.
"Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."
-Psalm 51:6-12
Those deep, dark, distant caverns of our self-pitying hearts.
Those places where sin grows like weeds, prickly, undesirable, engulfing any sprout of love.
Those places in the recesses of our hearts that confuse, confound, conquer us when unawares.
We oughtn't to travel alone there, to those unexplored, unexamined, unknown grounds. It is our responsibility to enlist the Guide.
He will gladly come, with joy, with grace, with Light.
He will come battle-ready, sword gleaming and sharpened, fires blazing.
He will come not only as the Guide, but as Soldier, Slayer, Savior.
He will come in power, prepared to not only wrench the weeds of sin by the root, but to set them ablaze, burning till nothing remains - till it is all consumed.
Do not go alone; go armed with the King Himself, the One equipped to not only empty the caverns, but to replenish them with life, light, truth.
But do go; go swiftly. And when that painful wrenching of sin by the Master is over, we will find He leaves behind His sweet fragrance, His joy, His peace, His Light, His Love.
"Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."
-Psalm 51:6-12
Monday, August 29, 2011
it was scarlet
it hung in silence,
dangling there alone.
shouts rose loud around it,
chaos filled the air.
people scattered, gathered.
it hung alone,
ready to rescue.
it dangled quietly,
waiting to be looked upon for salvation.
it was simple,
it was life for those clinging to it.
there, against the walls of toppling Jericho, Rahab's rope hung as the reminder,
the one thing offering hope,
the one thing that would save her, her family.
and it did.
and it was scarlet.
He hung in silence,
dangling there alone.
shouts rose loud around Him,
chaos filled the air.
people scattered, gathered.
He hung alone,
ready to rescue.
He dangled quietly,
waiting to be looked upon for salvation.
He was simple,
He was life for those clinging to Him.
there, against the walls of sin and darkness, Jesus hung as the Redeemer,
the One offering hope,
the One Who would save those who believed.
and He did.
and He does.
and His blood flowed scarlet.
dangling there alone.
shouts rose loud around it,
chaos filled the air.
people scattered, gathered.
it hung alone,
ready to rescue.
it dangled quietly,
waiting to be looked upon for salvation.
it was simple,
it was life for those clinging to it.
there, against the walls of toppling Jericho, Rahab's rope hung as the reminder,
the one thing offering hope,
the one thing that would save her, her family.
and it did.
and it was scarlet.
He hung in silence,
dangling there alone.
shouts rose loud around Him,
chaos filled the air.
people scattered, gathered.
He hung alone,
ready to rescue.
He dangled quietly,
waiting to be looked upon for salvation.
He was simple,
He was life for those clinging to Him.
there, against the walls of sin and darkness, Jesus hung as the Redeemer,
the One offering hope,
the One Who would save those who believed.
and He did.
and He does.
and His blood flowed scarlet.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
aroma
In the lovely, bursting Springtime, I'd love to park myself under a blossoming crabapple tree, basking in its beauty and absorbing its sweet fragrance. There's nothing quite like it, those Spring trees with their arrays of colors, perfectly shaped petals, fragrances floating freely.
I think God requires more of me, though, than to simply drink in those sweet fragrances He's made. I think He desires that I become so drenched in the fragrance of Christ that wherever I go, that fragrance, His fragrance, goes right with me, moving among anyone who may be near.
Blossom aromas are likened to that of Christ: The fragrances aren't made to be kept, but shared, spread...
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him." 2 Corinthians 2:14
I think God requires more of me, though, than to simply drink in those sweet fragrances He's made. I think He desires that I become so drenched in the fragrance of Christ that wherever I go, that fragrance, His fragrance, goes right with me, moving among anyone who may be near.
Blossom aromas are likened to that of Christ: The fragrances aren't made to be kept, but shared, spread...
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him." 2 Corinthians 2:14
You're Beautiful
I see your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say... You’re Beautiful
I see your pow’r in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
Its all proclaiming who you are... You’re beautiful
I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are setting on your heavenly throne
Soon you will be coming home... You’re Beautiful
When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing... You’re Beautiful
-Phil Wickham
The colors of the morning are inside your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say... You’re Beautiful
I see your pow’r in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
Its all proclaiming who you are... You’re beautiful
I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are setting on your heavenly throne
Soon you will be coming home... You’re Beautiful
When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing... You’re Beautiful
-Phil Wickham
Sunday, July 3, 2011
the joy of the father
I was much like the older brother when God set my husband free...
While the Father was rejoicing, my heart threw daggers,
I spat,
I resented,
my heart raged within me.
I didn't think I had deserved to live through those days of the locusts,
those years that had been eaten and destroyed.
I deserved better, I deserved the party the younger brother was receiving who...
was brought out of the gallows,
back from death,
up from the muck,
to God,
to his father.
The older son raged, "'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property...comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'
'My son, the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'" Luke 15:29-32
Thank You for giving me a heart to see with new eyes and a full heart those who have been rescued, those who are no longer feasting with the pigs, those who have returned, whom You have brought back.
God, would you cause me and believers everywhere to be those who rejoice over the lives that are redeemed, found, saved, transformed. Would you drive out every drop of bitterness, resentment, selfishness and give hearts of compassion, joy, perseverance, worship. Help me honor You.
I love You. Thanks for loving me first.
While the Father was rejoicing, my heart threw daggers,
I spat,
I resented,
my heart raged within me.
I didn't think I had deserved to live through those days of the locusts,
those years that had been eaten and destroyed.
I deserved better, I deserved the party the younger brother was receiving who...
was brought out of the gallows,
back from death,
up from the muck,
to God,
to his father.
The older son raged, "'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property...comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'
'My son, the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'" Luke 15:29-32
Thank You for giving me a heart to see with new eyes and a full heart those who have been rescued, those who are no longer feasting with the pigs, those who have returned, whom You have brought back.
God, would you cause me and believers everywhere to be those who rejoice over the lives that are redeemed, found, saved, transformed. Would you drive out every drop of bitterness, resentment, selfishness and give hearts of compassion, joy, perseverance, worship. Help me honor You.
I love You. Thanks for loving me first.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Patience, patience
No great work is ever done in a hurry. To develop a great scientific discovery, to paint a great picture, to write an immortal poem, to become a minister, or a famous general~~to do anything great requires time, patience, and perseverance.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
to sum it up
"There's nothing like the sound of a bat hitting a ball in the summertime."
~a fellow spectator, a new friend
~a fellow spectator, a new friend
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
resolute
there's sunshine on my shoulders today...in short breaths, between the puff and train of rain clouds.
we studied on Sunday how Christ made Himself resolute. isn't that a lovely word? nice to hear, read, and speak. resolute.
on to Jerusalem...
to praises on the palm-laden streets...
to betrayal during bread breaking...
to night, no one, everyone, anger, fear...
to the brood of vipers...
to the plan laid before time...
to the weak Pilate...
to the trade...
to the scourging, the pain, the ridicule, the humiliation...
to the streets, now dripping with jeers, confusion...
to the hill of the skull, Golgotha...
to the cross...
to the darkness...
alone...
forsaken...
heavy with burdens...
heavy with the sin of others, mine...
another jeer of mocking and another voice of repentance...forgiveness, Lord?
granting forgiveness, hope...
to death.
to the tomb...
to the third day's light...
to victory.
...praying He might make me resolute....that He would give me His resolve...
we studied on Sunday how Christ made Himself resolute. isn't that a lovely word? nice to hear, read, and speak. resolute.
on to Jerusalem...
to praises on the palm-laden streets...
to betrayal during bread breaking...
to night, no one, everyone, anger, fear...
to the brood of vipers...
to the plan laid before time...
to the weak Pilate...
to the trade...
to the scourging, the pain, the ridicule, the humiliation...
to the streets, now dripping with jeers, confusion...
to the hill of the skull, Golgotha...
to the cross...
to the darkness...
alone...
forsaken...
heavy with burdens...
heavy with the sin of others, mine...
another jeer of mocking and another voice of repentance...forgiveness, Lord?
granting forgiveness, hope...
to death.
to the tomb...
to the third day's light...
to victory.
...praying He might make me resolute....that He would give me His resolve...
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Fill my cup, Lord...
Fill my cup, Lord...
I lift it up, Lord.
Come and quench this thirsting in my soul.
Bread from Heaven,
feed me till I want no more...
Fill my cup, fill it up, and make me whole.
~Richard Blanshard
I lift it up, Lord.
Come and quench this thirsting in my soul.
Bread from Heaven,
feed me till I want no more...
Fill my cup, fill it up, and make me whole.
~Richard Blanshard
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
make mine...dandelions
lilacs
sedum
magnolia
white
hawthorn
dogwood
cherry tree
pink
crabtree
weigela
viburnum
snow
honeysuckle
lily
petunia
gold
fragrances sweet, colors splendid, blossoms beautiful...
4 feet tall, little hands, brown with earth, smiles wide, joy bubbling, flowers for me!
when they come to the back door, pleasure lighting their faces with their flower find, I am flooded with love...it hits me like a force, a swift lovely wave that washes over my heart. I reach out and accept this gift of flowers, I find a vase, I add water, and I smile at these yellow treasures...
yellow
green
sunshine
spring
of all that might be offered, make mine dandelions...
sedum
magnolia
white
hawthorn
dogwood
cherry tree
pink
crabtree
weigela
viburnum
snow
honeysuckle
lily
petunia
gold
fragrances sweet, colors splendid, blossoms beautiful...
4 feet tall, little hands, brown with earth, smiles wide, joy bubbling, flowers for me!
when they come to the back door, pleasure lighting their faces with their flower find, I am flooded with love...it hits me like a force, a swift lovely wave that washes over my heart. I reach out and accept this gift of flowers, I find a vase, I add water, and I smile at these yellow treasures...
yellow
green
sunshine
spring
of all that might be offered, make mine dandelions...
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross
Jesus, keep me near the cross,
There a precious fountainFree to all, a healing stream
Flows from Calvary’s mountain.
Refrain
In the cross, in the cross,
Be my glory ever;
Till my raptured soul shall find
Rest beyond the river.
Near the cross, a trembling soul,
Love and mercy found me;
There the bright and morning star
Sheds its beams around me.
Near the cross! O Lamb of God,
Bring its scenes before me;
Help me walk from day to day,
With its shadows o’er me.
Near the cross I’ll watch and wait
Hoping, trusting ever,
Till I reach the golden strand,
Just beyond the river.
Hoping, trusting ever,
Till I reach the golden strand,
Just beyond the river.
~Fanny Crosby, lyrics
~W. Howard Doane, melody
Monday, March 28, 2011
Unavoidable
Transfixed with the countenance of the evening moon...
Amazed encountering the halting of the swelling tides...
Speechless where new life crosses the threshold...
Overcome by plummeting grandiose rocks and those augmenting above...
Stilled gazing with wonder at minuscule flakes of white cold floating to cover the earth...
Humbled counting grains of sand...
Awe within the fold of the graying sky thundering and lighting within itself...
Mesmerized measuring the expanse of horizon painted with the setting sun...
it is all Christ alone; He is in it all; all is because and for Him...
May my heart worship, and may my heart be humbled and quieted by Him. He is unavoidable, everywhere.
Amazed encountering the halting of the swelling tides...
Speechless where new life crosses the threshold...
Overcome by plummeting grandiose rocks and those augmenting above...
Stilled gazing with wonder at minuscule flakes of white cold floating to cover the earth...
Humbled counting grains of sand...
Awe within the fold of the graying sky thundering and lighting within itself...
Mesmerized measuring the expanse of horizon painted with the setting sun...
it is all Christ alone; He is in it all; all is because and for Him...
May my heart worship, and may my heart be humbled and quieted by Him. He is unavoidable, everywhere.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
my desire is Jesus
"I'm runnin' through the gates of Love as fast as I can...
I can't wait to see You, 'cause I'm a desperate man.
You made the Light and sent it down...
to show us Who You are.
Now it's bursting out my heart...
My desire
is burnin' like a million stars,
and I'll keep reaching out for You
I'd be nothing without You."
-Phil Wickham, Desire
I can't wait to see You, 'cause I'm a desperate man.
You made the Light and sent it down...
to show us Who You are.
Now it's bursting out my heart...
My desire
is burnin' like a million stars,
and I'll keep reaching out for You
I'd be nothing without You."
-Phil Wickham, Desire
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
when am I thankful?
God heals my daughter, my son; I say "thank you."
He washes away my migraine; I am thankful.
Strep throat heals; praise You, Lord.
Husband returns home safely through relentless winter storm; thank You, God.
my Uncle dies from bone cancer...
a friend's wife leaves him, files for divorce...
a church closes, sheep scattered....
twin baby boys die within months of each other...
an Uncle is blind, wants to see...
When am I thankful? Am I thankful only when things happen as I think they ought? Am I thankful only when people are healed? Am I thankful when God maintains the lungs, the heart, so the person remains within life and turns from death?
Am I thankful for the storms? Am I thankful for God's way, not mine? Am I thankful when tragedy strikes, for sickness, for death, for stomach-turning surprises, for questions that fall from my lips...
Is God only good when life happens how we're hoping?
or is He good through it all, in it all....
give me a thankful heart, Lord, that You are a faithful God. I love You.
He washes away my migraine; I am thankful.
Strep throat heals; praise You, Lord.
Husband returns home safely through relentless winter storm; thank You, God.
my Uncle dies from bone cancer...
a friend's wife leaves him, files for divorce...
a church closes, sheep scattered....
twin baby boys die within months of each other...
an Uncle is blind, wants to see...
When am I thankful? Am I thankful only when things happen as I think they ought? Am I thankful only when people are healed? Am I thankful when God maintains the lungs, the heart, so the person remains within life and turns from death?
Am I thankful for the storms? Am I thankful for God's way, not mine? Am I thankful when tragedy strikes, for sickness, for death, for stomach-turning surprises, for questions that fall from my lips...
Is God only good when life happens how we're hoping?
or is He good through it all, in it all....
give me a thankful heart, Lord, that You are a faithful God. I love You.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
the Way through
“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. 17 Be on your guard; you will be handed over to the local councils and be flogged in the synagogues. 18 On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. 19 But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, 20 for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.
21 “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. 22 You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. 23 When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. Truly I tell you, you will not finish going through the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes." Matthew 10:16-23
Okay, just that first part of His charge to His sheep - "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves." What sheep keeps walking once he sees the field he's entering is not one with a bunch of other sheep but a field filled, scattered, and reeking of a pack of wolves? I'm thinking that sheep would give those wolves recently spotted a good view of his backside as he flees.
Am I allowed to be scared of suffering? Suffering for the sake of Christ, physical suffering, suffering through heart pain, suffering through an upheaval of daily routine and living, suffering the loss of a husband or child...
I don't know if God allows me to be scared of it, but I told Him tonight that I am. The unknown, all that sheep would encounter as he continues his path into the pack of pacing wolves, leaves me wondering a lot of things. Mostly, I'm wondering what God has in store for me, for my family.
It also has me wondering if I know undoubtedly His saving and faithful love for me. Do I believe it? Really, do I?
I know my husband loves me. I mark it by the heart he wears on his sleeve for me, the life he lives, the God he loves and follows. My husband makes it pretty easy to follow him, to love him, to trust him, and I do. When he makes a decision or sets a course for us, I know it was done with utmost care, prayer, and love.
So, I'm just wondering why my heart struggles so unashamedly lately with following God into suffering, into the pack of wolves. Do I know He loves me? Amazing; yes. Do I really believe it? Really? Yes; attributed to His grace alone, I think. Then, I expect my response to be a willing heart to follow this saving, loving, faithful, trustworthy God, Savior, King, Creator, Friend, into the very hollow and unknown face of a wolf, of suffering in this life.
Let it be, Lord. I know You're not just the One I go to during suffering; You, Lord, are my way through. oh, let it be so.
I've been thinking about that frightful night on the Sea of Galilee during the storm; those disciples responded how my heart feels right now in the potential eye of any storm...."ACCKKK! Jesus! Where are You?! Help me! Get up!" Then, I realized that He is where I need to already be...there, at His feet, sleeping in His peace, communing with Him in prayer; yes, clinging to Him. I know that wind, those mean pelting drops of liquid from the sky, that darkness menacing all about me, the cold, the shadows.....still, dry, lighten, warm, and flee in His presence. That's enough for me. Then, give me Jesus. All of Him. I want Him. Even if His presence means barreling head-on into those fears. I want Him more.
But, I'm scared. Please, God, squelch my fears...
"...but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved." Matthew 10:22
21 “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. 22 You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. 23 When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. Truly I tell you, you will not finish going through the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes." Matthew 10:16-23
Okay, just that first part of His charge to His sheep - "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves." What sheep keeps walking once he sees the field he's entering is not one with a bunch of other sheep but a field filled, scattered, and reeking of a pack of wolves? I'm thinking that sheep would give those wolves recently spotted a good view of his backside as he flees.
Am I allowed to be scared of suffering? Suffering for the sake of Christ, physical suffering, suffering through heart pain, suffering through an upheaval of daily routine and living, suffering the loss of a husband or child...
I don't know if God allows me to be scared of it, but I told Him tonight that I am. The unknown, all that sheep would encounter as he continues his path into the pack of pacing wolves, leaves me wondering a lot of things. Mostly, I'm wondering what God has in store for me, for my family.
It also has me wondering if I know undoubtedly His saving and faithful love for me. Do I believe it? Really, do I?
I know my husband loves me. I mark it by the heart he wears on his sleeve for me, the life he lives, the God he loves and follows. My husband makes it pretty easy to follow him, to love him, to trust him, and I do. When he makes a decision or sets a course for us, I know it was done with utmost care, prayer, and love.
So, I'm just wondering why my heart struggles so unashamedly lately with following God into suffering, into the pack of wolves. Do I know He loves me? Amazing; yes. Do I really believe it? Really? Yes; attributed to His grace alone, I think. Then, I expect my response to be a willing heart to follow this saving, loving, faithful, trustworthy God, Savior, King, Creator, Friend, into the very hollow and unknown face of a wolf, of suffering in this life.
Let it be, Lord. I know You're not just the One I go to during suffering; You, Lord, are my way through. oh, let it be so.
I've been thinking about that frightful night on the Sea of Galilee during the storm; those disciples responded how my heart feels right now in the potential eye of any storm...."ACCKKK! Jesus! Where are You?! Help me! Get up!" Then, I realized that He is where I need to already be...there, at His feet, sleeping in His peace, communing with Him in prayer; yes, clinging to Him. I know that wind, those mean pelting drops of liquid from the sky, that darkness menacing all about me, the cold, the shadows.....still, dry, lighten, warm, and flee in His presence. That's enough for me. Then, give me Jesus. All of Him. I want Him. Even if His presence means barreling head-on into those fears. I want Him more.
But, I'm scared. Please, God, squelch my fears...
"...but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved." Matthew 10:22
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
keep kneeling
I have become so lax with kneeling.
I used to, but I haven't for a while.
I pray daily, but the kneeling has gone away, and frankly, my conversations with God just aren't the same without the physical humbling that comes to my heart with kneeling before Him.
It really doesn't matter that I used to do it...that is so yesterday's bread, yesterday's manna that has since evaporated.
In the same way that I need to eat real food every day, not food from 3 months ago, I need to be ingesting fresh bread, fresh Bread.
It's there, it's just a matter of me setting the table and spreading the feast in front of my heart...
Word of God wide open, sin confessed.
I'm hungry.
I used to, but I haven't for a while.
I pray daily, but the kneeling has gone away, and frankly, my conversations with God just aren't the same without the physical humbling that comes to my heart with kneeling before Him.
It really doesn't matter that I used to do it...that is so yesterday's bread, yesterday's manna that has since evaporated.
In the same way that I need to eat real food every day, not food from 3 months ago, I need to be ingesting fresh bread, fresh Bread.
It's there, it's just a matter of me setting the table and spreading the feast in front of my heart...
Word of God wide open, sin confessed.
I'm hungry.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
He's Got to be Enough
Sometimes, I feel really simple in my thoughts about life in general (and sometimes quite the opposite...over-thinking stuff). I got to thinking tonight that Jesus was never complex with His teachings; He was loving, gracious, direct, thorough...
I'm learning that either I truly believe that Christ is sufficient, enough, for all circumstances, all facets of life, all surprises that come my way, or I don't believe it. He's got to be enough. He's got to be sufficient. He says He is. Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief!
I'm hoping that, though simple as they may be, my thoughts or words to others in any circumstances are saturated with love.
"At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (The Message)
I'm learning that either I truly believe that Christ is sufficient, enough, for all circumstances, all facets of life, all surprises that come my way, or I don't believe it. He's got to be enough. He's got to be sufficient. He says He is. Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief!
I'm hoping that, though simple as they may be, my thoughts or words to others in any circumstances are saturated with love.
"At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (The Message)
Monday, January 10, 2011
Afraid to Forget
warm raindrops. curly hair. melting soles of tennis shoes. warm water on my feet. fiery sand on the dune. pink cheeks. shoe free. painted toenails. warm lips. squinting sun. lapping water.
crackling wood in the fireplace. heart melting in adoration of my Savior. hot tears ready to fall. quiet snow. picturesque landscape from the window. steaming milk. hot cocoa. memories. abundant peace. overwhelming sorrow. aching heart. tired mind. rushing terminal of thoughts. comfort from my Savior. crisp air. clean sky. midnight blue. white snow moon. grandma mid's butterscotch pudding. barley afghan. warm lights. heaven song. faithful God. come soon. sufficient. satisfied. contentment. restless for heaven.
desperate for His love. aching desire. contain me. sustain me.
unspeakable beauty. unknown glory. sunrise. You're beautiful. fragrant. power. Light. golden sash. white like wool. eyes of blazing fire. bronze feet. glowing fire. rushing waters. seven stars. sharp double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance.
King.
Maker.
Intercessor.
Friend.
Lover.
Ruler.
Savior.
Beautiful.
'Yes, I am coming soon.'
"Amen. Come, Lord Jesus."
crackling wood in the fireplace. heart melting in adoration of my Savior. hot tears ready to fall. quiet snow. picturesque landscape from the window. steaming milk. hot cocoa. memories. abundant peace. overwhelming sorrow. aching heart. tired mind. rushing terminal of thoughts. comfort from my Savior. crisp air. clean sky. midnight blue. white snow moon. grandma mid's butterscotch pudding. barley afghan. warm lights. heaven song. faithful God. come soon. sufficient. satisfied. contentment. restless for heaven.
desperate for His love. aching desire. contain me. sustain me.
unspeakable beauty. unknown glory. sunrise. You're beautiful. fragrant. power. Light. golden sash. white like wool. eyes of blazing fire. bronze feet. glowing fire. rushing waters. seven stars. sharp double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance.
King.
Maker.
Intercessor.
Friend.
Lover.
Ruler.
Savior.
Beautiful.
'Yes, I am coming soon.'
"Amen. Come, Lord Jesus."
Friday, January 7, 2011
a hurting heart
I was just thinking on suffering. Sometimes, my heart aches fiercely when a friend is suffering. I know that the Bible teaches that this life is (among other things) for that - to share in the sufferings of the One Who came and suffered on our behalf...that this life is for Him...
So, it seems that if our lives as believers are going to have any weight of meaning when we reach the end of them, then we should embrace the suffering that comes, be anchored to Christ the true Rock when tempests blow our way, and (though racked with pain, aching with grief, flooded with sorrow) continue to worship the Rock. Sometimes, this is easier said than done...
I've known personally that when suffering abounds, somehow, Jesus draws me closer to Him as I find myself stepping foot in the very garden and up the mountaintop that He ascended. I know Jesus is found to be sweeter when I'm clinging to Him, feeling His presence in the midst of a famine, in the midst of tragedy, in the midst of life's troubles, but oh! the ache when these famines, tragedies, and troubles come. May He continue to give grace after a fierce storm has struck, and may He continue to remind me that He endured the storms Himself.
I need Him desperately.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."James 1:2-4
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
So, it seems that if our lives as believers are going to have any weight of meaning when we reach the end of them, then we should embrace the suffering that comes, be anchored to Christ the true Rock when tempests blow our way, and (though racked with pain, aching with grief, flooded with sorrow) continue to worship the Rock. Sometimes, this is easier said than done...
I've known personally that when suffering abounds, somehow, Jesus draws me closer to Him as I find myself stepping foot in the very garden and up the mountaintop that He ascended. I know Jesus is found to be sweeter when I'm clinging to Him, feeling His presence in the midst of a famine, in the midst of tragedy, in the midst of life's troubles, but oh! the ache when these famines, tragedies, and troubles come. May He continue to give grace after a fierce storm has struck, and may He continue to remind me that He endured the storms Himself.
I need Him desperately.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."James 1:2-4
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
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